He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
