I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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