You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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