So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
