Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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