allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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