Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
