I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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