How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
