How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
