How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
