did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She's the barista slut.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
