matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
