How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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