I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
