new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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