I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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