My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
