i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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