just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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