He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
