Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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