If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
COCAINE IS GR8
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
