I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
