nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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