Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
