Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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