Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
