Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and she was petting her beer can
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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