So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
