Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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