Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
