When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
