Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
