You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
