but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
