hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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