he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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