so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
