Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
