tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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