In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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