quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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