you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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