Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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