Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
