I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
