TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
