I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She bit a glass in half.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
