Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
