I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
